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Posts Tagged ‘Love’


It’s been ages since I went on a holiday. Last week I took leave and the four of us including my two boys went to Melaka (known as Malacca in the olden days during colonial times). Melaka has been listed in the UNESCO World Heritage Cities.

First, the Portuguese conquered Malacca, then the Dutch and later the British Empire. That is why there are a lot of rich cultural remmants of the glorious past. It was our first trip to this part of Malaysia. Apart from getting lost during the drive and moving around in circles, it was a marvellous holiday. No one lost their temper which is an achievement itself. We had a grand time.

We checked into a hotel that was in the heart of historical sites and shopping malls. This saved us from driving. I could not wait to explore the famous Jonker’s Street and I was not disappointed. The buildings are beautifully restored and the elaborate carvings on the walls and pillars are a sight to behold. The streets are full of shops selling souveniers, antiques, clothes and food unique to this state. Such rich baba-nyonya heritage.

The Maritime Museum
We entered ‘Flora De La Mar’, the Portuguese ship that sank off the Coast of Malacca now in the form of Maritime Museum. There is choc full of histories of the Portuguese, Dutch and British era. However I was too busy taking photos of my sons to really appreciate the historical impact. I was not much of a history buff during my school days. I do love to read historical romance but that is besides the point here.

We search in vain in our car for the Portuguese settlement and finally had to concede defeat. We walked to the replica of the Melaka Sultanate Palace and to our dismay it was closed. Sigh! I had wanted to walk along the corridors and imagine myself as a Malay princess of the golden era.

I definitely had to visit St. Paul’s Church which had been turned into burial ground for the dead by the Dutch. The huge tombstones with incriptions were all around the walls. Superstition aside, I took photos again. I’m such a shutterbug. Do not ask me anything technical as I take just for the love of capturing the moments for memories sake. The Stadthuys was also on our walking trail.

We went on a Melaka River Cruise and bought tickets which enabled us to leave the boat anywhere and anytime. When we are satisfied with seeing the destination, we just wait at the jetty and hitch a ride to the next destination for free.


I had to explore on my own and found some lovely temples. Melaka is famous for their Satay Celup, Chicken Ball Rice, kuih-muih and Nyonya food. I bought back some for family back home to have a taste.

It was time to leave. Reality was waiting for me. With reluctance, we bid farewell to lovely and quaint Melaka.It was a marvellous holiday. I hope one day my boys will look back and remember the wonderful memories spent there. Cheers.

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I am more or less writing this to convince myself. I am feeling a bit shaky. Business not so good. Profit margin down. I am just an employee but I have been working here for years. So, time to move on? Nah, I just hang on until it became intolerable. Sentimental loyal fool, that’s me.

So, how’s life been treating you, my friend? Is it well or cruel? If well, I am happy for you. But this is life. Sometimes, we go through some phases that are difficult to fathom. Perhaps, a much looking forward to baby born with a defect. Your closest friend had an unexpected life-threatening accident. A loving spouse inflicted with a terminal disease. Or a hideous one who abuse you. Swamped with a mountain of debts. Loss of job. Marriage breakdown. The list can be endless. Life is such.

But I believe life is beautiful too. If only, we take the time to appreciate what we have. Happiness is within everyone’s grasp. If only we open our hearts. And let go of the past and do not sweat over the small stuff. I have gone through several personal tragedies but still take pleasure in living my life. I was full of hurt and anger once.  Now, I am on the road to recovery.

Why do terrible things happened in our lives? Is it something that we have done in our past lives? Perhaps, God planned this to make us stronger and let us suffer so that we may come out of it wiser, more courageous, more compassionate…What we have gone through perhaps can help someone else in their times of need.

 

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It all started when my brother-in-law asked me whether I was working on Thursday. I said no because it was a public holiday. But what do you know, he had to work. Question he posed was who was going to take care of his kids because no one was available except ahem, yours truly. Now, I thought long and hard because it is not easy babysitting four kids. It would looked pretty bad if things got out of control and havoc rules. What would that do to my reputation and pride! However my conscience won and I found myself volunteering. With sweaty palms, I offered to take his two kids along with two of mine to a popular park.  Prior to that, I took them for breakfast. The woman hawker took one look and asked in a grandmotherly manner – All yours? No, I said, just two are mine.

Barely the car stopped, four kids ran out with a football in hand across the field. Mind you, one of the kids is a sweet girl who is crazy about football. They played, they ran, I chased, I huffed and puffed. In between, they enjoyed playing with the slides and swing. Later they blew soap bubbles in the air happily. Playing is hard work too. Finally the kids decided to call it a day.

Well, next I took them to a hypermarket. Did some grocery shopping and bought some chips and drinks for them. The youngest was clearly tired as he fell asleep in the shopping cart. We ate at the Food Court. There was no choice actually. No cafe, restaurant or fast food centre in the hypermarket. Just when you think their stomachs are full, they wanted ice creams. Of course I had to fulfil that request. If not, that would made me a bad aunt and mum, right?

By the time we left, I was tired too. So, I dropped my niece and nephew at their mum’s shop. I cannot believe it. There were no fights, arguments nor crying.  Could it be due to my superior handling? Maybe it was my interesting personality that captured their attention? Just kidding.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful and precious day.

 

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I read an article called ‘Broken People’  today and I thought how appropriate – that kind of sounded like me. Now, I have always been rather cheerful in my posts but I cannot denied that there is part of me stayed broken inside.

Basically the article stated that when someone went through something terrible, the impact is enormous but he did not realised the implications or just shrugged it off. He lived through life as seemingly normal and functional human being but with a broken piece inside. The article also stated that we shrugged off life’s trial and tribulation pretending they have made us stronger, while in actual fact masking their inner turmoil with routine work and hectic lifestyles.

I am living the best I can with the emotional turmoil that I am facing. Life is bittersweet. Unfortunately it is more bitter at this point of my life. Still, I have a lot to be thankful for. I drawed a lot from my inner strength. No matter what positions we are in, there is someone who is facing an even greater struggle. Someone that we do not know or could be someone in our vicinity – if only we opened our hearts and minds.

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Life is tough. There’s no doubt about it. We sailed through obstacles and heartaches in our journey through life. But if we take the time to put things into perspective, there is always something to appreciate and give thanks for. There is a time in life whereby we should slow down and comtemplate where we are heading.

Ever since my beloved dad passed on five years ago from cancer, life has not been the same. He was my confidante, my source of strength and always a pillar of support. Ever the optimistic person, he can see the positive side of things. Life always seemed better with him around. Even as a child, I feared for the day when he leaves us. And of course, the day came sooner than expected. I might already have been a mother myself but still, nothing prepared me for the inevitable. Completely lost, devastated, alone, wondering how I am going to face life without my dad from then on..

My children are my balm in my darkest hour. They soothes my pain with their endearing ways and innocent joy. Naturally with joy there are also heartaches. Nothing pains me more than when my younger son wakes up crying in pain due to his arthritis (JRA/JIA). On the bright side, his juvenile arthritis is under control by medication so far.

My heart skipped a beat when my elder boy asked me with a brave but shaky voice whether I loved his brother more than him. How could he have such an idea? Perhaps I behaved more tenderly towards my younger boy because he is inflicted by pain daily. His pain is just a matter of severity. My words stumbled as I hasten to assure and comfort my elder boy that I loved them both wholeheartedly. I explained that the attention I gave to his brother is due to his condition and luckily he was very brave during the regular trips to hospital. My elder boy seem reassured by my words. I am just so thankful to have my boys in my life. They are loving and affectionate but boisterous when playing together despite the arthritis.

Recently I went to have a cancer test. Luckily it was not as painful as I expected. Even though I am not a Christian yet but my first thought was Praise The Lord, when the test cleared me of that particular cancer. I just felt so relieved and was like given a new lease of life. I just felt a new appreciation for life. I enjoyed more with my boys as I wanted to give them happy memories during their childhood days.

All in all, we should not take the blessings given to us for granted. The satisfaction derived from the pursuit of material things will not last long. Self-indulgence and satisfying own needs first are very common nowadays. It is so easy to lose our focus. I just prayed I have the strength to stay on course.

I do have my own insecurities and inadequacies but all in all, I am thankful for what I have. Just live the best we can for our time on earth will pass by.

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How do we define happiness? Is it a state of our mind? Happiness is being in control of our circumstances no matter how down the situation is rather than letting it control ourselves. Of course, that’s easier said than done. I have had my share of unhappiness. Days when I felt so down that I wished I was not born. Thank goodness, moments let this passed by later. If not, I think I would have to see a shrink, I meant psychiatrist. Depression affected a lot of people and it can hit them unknowingly.

The sun shone brightly today. A glorious day to go to church. Met my mom there. As usual, I could hardly understand what the pastor was preaching because of communication barrier. Wish my mom went to the English session. My sons refused to go to Sunday School for the same reason. They have difficulty understanding the language which is actually Mandarin. Well, we do loved the church gospel songs. We had refreshments after that and mingle around with other members.

After that, we went to a shopping complex. Food, food, food is all we ever bought each time. It’s a wonder all of us are so skinny. I wished we can put on some weight. Sometimes, I think what is wrong with us. It is no fun when I get commented on this each time an acquantaince saw me after a while.

My sons played some games at the Play Station and were really happy. Even my younger boy was very active with no complaints of his joints. Later in the car, he told me he wanted to paint a picture as a surprise for me for taking them to play. And that he did with his hands and shirt full of colourful paints. He drew a picture of him and wrote his name, with some flowers and a sun in the background. What a dear! He can drive me around the bend and yet he can be so thoughtful at times. My elder boy wrote on a paper to thank me for taking them out. I kind of suspected that he did that only because his younger brother painted a picture and he did not want to be left out!

All in all, it was a happy and carefree day. Sometimes children can be so exasperating but you would truly missed them if they were not around. They soothe my wounds when the chips are down. I loved them to bits…

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It began with an unexplained pain in his right knee one day. I scrutinised for sign of bruises and cuts. Having found none, I interrogated my younger boy as to what happened and whether he fell down. All he could gave me was a puzzled look. Well, he’s only six after all.

Thus began our trips to the doctors, specialists, and so forth. A bone specialist said it is growing pains that afflicted some children. Whereas a doctor specialising in eastern medicine said he had child arthritis. We could not believe our ears. Arthritis at his age! After countless medicine and trips back to his paedrician who confirmed after numerous blood tests and X-Rays that he did have arthritis.

Since our state does not have an expert on child rheumatism, we had to go to a hospital in another state. The good doctor explained that he had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA) or Juvenile Idiopahtic Arthritis (JIA). The causes are not known but research indicated that it is an autoimmune disease. In short, this means that the white blood cells lose the ability to differentiate the body’s own healthy cells and harmful invaders. Thus instead of protecting the body, it releases harmful chemicals that can damage harmful tissues and cause inflammation.

And now my little boy has inflammation in his right knee and left wrist. He has Oligoarticular JIA which meant four or fewer joints affected. Since oral medication proved futile, he had medication injected directed into his joints by the outstation Consultant Paedrician Rheumatologist. So, far it has been five days since the injections. He had to be sedated before undergoing the treatment. He did not cry even once but just asked in a shaky voice with a huge tear squeezing out from his eye whether it will end soon. My own will nearly gave way upon seeing him lying so fragile on the hospital bed and asking me with such a trusting voice.

I know people always say God works in mysterious ways but I wonder why some children have to go through so much pain. There is a reason probably but so far I have not found it yet…

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